People hardly appreciate how reliably their dreams self terminate over the course of an evening. Whole realities one after another leave stage for the next.
The chitchat on the screen is becoming indistinguishable from his own slurred thoughts. Contents of their minds slowly bleed into his. Tonight, Rasulzhan has to stay past his regular hours to ease the strain on the network. Working at a major media company, he reviews content posted by users. Compartmentalizing and flagging them when needed. Even his third cup of coffee can barely keep him conscious behind his desk.
At home, he embraces refuge under the weighted blanket, giving himself fully to sleep and subsequently to dreams. Rasulzhan dreams for so long that one of his dreams forgets how to end itself. Dreaming persists even after leaving bed, bedroom, home, city, country.
He finds himself in another neighbourhood strolling down an alley in shoes not his own. Still in pyjamas, carefully carrying a cup brimmed with rich black coffee. Never enjoying coffee, he doesn’t bother switching to a drink of his liking.
In West people use “dream” and “dare to dream” to mean forging their own realities, getting what they desire. He laughs at this.
Rasulzhan isn’t exempt from the euphoric rush of seeing his desires take form in the occasional pleasant dream. In those dreams, it’s at the height of pleasure that he understands his desires not as his own; desiring not as his own.
Imagine yourself at an orgy. Among flesh, at the brink of eruption receiving a clear understanding that this desire isn’t yours. Imagine arriving in the spotlight on an extravagant stage you were yearning for, only to realize that you liked it better in the crowd. Imagine becoming an astronaut as your guiding north star. After years of effort, you’re the lucky one. You finally achieve this great feat. Floating in outer space, you ask yourself for the first time, wait what is this for?
If dreaming has taught Rasulzhan anything is to become an astute observer. To observe clearly, fully accepting whatever fantasy worlds he encounters. When you see him you forget that you’re both on a stage. He inhabits his dream character so well that even you begin identifying with his role and emotions. Both of you engulfed in activity play along pretending any of it affects you. But he doesn’t forget that the true Rasulzhan is in the audience, way in the back where he can easily leave.
Really makes you think